After being interrupted at Lyndsey's house by her son, Eldridge, Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with her, but nothing goes as planned due to the fact Lyndsey suffers a bad period, and Alan gets an upset stomach. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to get the "girlfriend experience" from a prostitute, Jasmine (Elizabeth Ho), by having her and himself act as a real couple with real problems. Title quotation from: Berta, talking about a blind, mentally deteriorating cat she used to own that Alan reminds her of.